Definitions

ADHD: A disease that spreads when teachers are inexpressibly boring.

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Adultery: That which, by some estimates, over half of all men and women in a relationship commit.

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Brain scientists: Researchers who can tell you what goes on in your brain when you are bored, but not what boredom is.

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Cash: One of the last remaining defenses against tyranny.

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China: A civilization masquerading as a state.

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Computers: Useless machines. They may be able to provide answers, but they cannot ask questions (Picasso).

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Courage: When a woman avenges herself on someone who, twenty years ago, got ahead of her in queue by accusing him of “sexual harassment” (see below).

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(A) c–t: What all of us, from the son of God down, have issued from. So why is it the worst thing anyone, male or female, can be?

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Democracy: The worst form of government, except for all the rest (Winston Churchill).

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Educational: Something that is neither useful nor fun.

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Elections: An exercise held to see whether the pollsters had it right.

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(An) expert: Someone you listen to as long as he tells you what you want to hear.

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Falsehood: When people revolt against the government and the media and believe Facebook instead.

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Fashion: A form of ugliness so bad that it must be changed every year.

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Feminism: When women put themselves first (Carol Gilligan).

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(A) fighter: An Israeli soldier who, along with his comrades, shoots and wounds a Palestinian girl armed with scissors.

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Gender Theory: The belief that you can be a man even though you do not have a penis.

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Godwin’s Law: The longer a discussion goes on, the more inevitable it is that someone will call someone else “Hitler.”

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History (1): A tale as filled with lies as the body of a prostitute is with syphilis (Schopenhauer).

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History (2): A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing (Shakespeare).

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Interference in another state’s internal affairs: When Russia dares do what the U.S has been doing for decades.

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Justice: Something you will hopefully get if you pay the right lawyer the right sum.

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Love: When your partner’s shortcomings make you smile.

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Marriage: An alliance between a man and a woman aimed at creating a third who is more than either of them. Otherwise it is just two animals licking one another (Nietzsche).

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Mathematics: The one science able to provide absolute certainty, but only because it deals with things that do not exist.

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Nuclear weapons: If we have had no World War III, then only thanks to them.

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Offensive: Whatever someone, somewhere, with or without reason, does not like and wants to prohibit.

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Patriotism: The last refuge of the scoundrel (Voltaire).

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Political correctness: The belief that, if we see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil, evil will be abolished.

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Populism: When voters, how dare they, stand up against the political class.

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Racism: The belief that races exist and that there may be differences among them.

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Rape: See under sexual harassment.

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Ritalin: A form of cocaine legalized so as to enable the drug companies to make gigantic profits.

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Russia: A sort of Saudi Arabia with an arms industry.

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School: An institution for enslaving children so their liberated mothers can turn themselves into wage slaves.

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Sex: Consensual rape.

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Sex education: Forcing adults’ hang-ups down children’s throats.

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(A) Sexist: Anyone who refuses to accept even the craziest feminist ideas without argument.

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Sexual Harassment: Whatever a woman choses to call by that name, even if it takes decades for her to understand it has ever taken place.

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Taxes: If anyone but the government levied them, they would be called extortion.

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(The) US: A less civilized Canada.

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Terrorists: The other side’s freedom fighters.

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Wisdom: Knowing when to shut up.