No, this is not a female sumo wrestler trying to out-scowl her opponent. She is an Israeli singer, Netta Barzilai. She has just won the Eurovision, the international singing contest held every year in front of fans numbering (it is said) in the hundreds of millions. A paper as respectable as the British Guardian celebrated it as a triumph of feminism and the age of “me too.” Good! Or else I might have thought it had originated in the brain of a mentally disturbed five-year old.
For those of you who, like me, found themselves unable to understand a word of her cackle, here is an annotated edition.
Toy
Look at me, I’m a beautiful creature[1]
I don’t care about your “modern-time preachers”[2]
Welcome boys, too much noise,[3] I will teach you
Pam pam pa hoo, Turram pam pa hoo[4]
Hey, I think you forgot how to play
My teddy bear’s running away[5]
The Barbie got something to say:[6] Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! My “Simon says”[7] leave me alone
I’m taking my Pikachu home[8]
You’re stupid just like your smart phone[9]
Wonder woman,[10] don’t you ever forget
You’re divine[11] and he’s about to regret
His baka-bakum, bak-bak bakumbai…[12]
I’m not your toy[13]
You stupid boy[14]
I’ll take you down
I’ll make you watch me
Dancing with my dolls
On the MadaBaka Beat
Not your toy!
A-A-A-Ani Lo buba!
Don’t you go and play with me boy![15]
A-A-A-Ani Lo buba!
Don’t you go and play… Shake!
Kulului,[16] Kulului, Ah, wedding bells ringing
Kulului, Kulului, Ah, money man bling-bling
I don’t care about your ‘stefa’, baby[17]
Pam pam pa hoo, Turram pam pa hoo[18]
Wonder woman, don’t you ever forget
You’re divine and he’s about to regret
His baka-bakum…bak-bak bakumbai…
I’m not your toy
You stupid boy
I’ll take you down
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Dancing with my dolls[19]
On the MadaBaka Beat
Not your toy!
[1] Poor old Michelangelo. He should have taken Netta, not David, as his model. Imagine how many more people would visit Florence! Anyhow, self-praise stinks.
[2] Does anyone know who the modern preachers are? I sure don’t.
[3] Who is making too much noise? The boys? If so, why are they welcome? Or perhaps they are not? Never mind: nonsense is nonsense, and la donna e mobile.
[4] Stop insulting chicken by trying to imitate them, Netta. Any chicken sounds way more intelligent than this.
[5] What Teddy bear? What on earth is Netta squeaking about? If you know, please send me an email.
[6] The only thing Barbie ever said to Ken was “you pay the bill, or else I won’t even consider sleeping with you.”
[7] Who on earth is this Simon? What does he have to do with anything else in the song?
[8] Does she sleep with it? And, if so, is it the male version or the female one?
[9] Sorry, Netta. You may not have heard, but today’s smartphones can play chess, or Go, or trivia, much better than you can.
[10] A TV series fit for nine-year olds, in case you didn’t know.
[11] Modest, isn’t she?
[12] Most of the time it is women not men, who talk like that. In German it is called, Kaffeeklatsch (coffee-house chattering).
[13] Poor Netta. Four times she says she doesn’t want to be some boy’s toy. Apparently that is how he sees herself.
[14] Imagine the s—tstorm if I had written “you stupid girl.” But women are allowed to say anything these days, aren’t they? Until, one day, they won’t be.
[15] What else can one do with Netta? Discuss Plato, perhaps? Or relativity?
[16] Is that supposed to be the sound of a rooster?
[17] See No. 4.
[18] See No. 4.
[19] I do not understand. Netta is twenty-five years old. And still dancing with dolls, hoping that boys will watch her???