It’s now two decades since I, in my capacity as a military historian, began working on a book dealing with women. As I told a friend of mine—unfortunately she is long deceased—about my decision, she smiled and said that it was high time.

As you my readers, may well imagine, over the years I have often been asked what it would take to make me change my reactionary, archaic, patriarchal, male-chauvinist, and well-nigh criminal views on women and feminism. To wit, first, that basically very little has changed in the relationship between the sexes; and second, that almost the whole of modern feminism, both practical and theoretical, is an illusion at best and pure nonsense at worst. Need I add that the two questions are linked?

Being the hopeless egghead I am, I have always considered the matter intriguing. So here goes.

Anatomy and Physiology

If and when women grow as strong and robust, physically, as men, then I shall change my mind.

If and when men, accepting the vulnerability involved, start squatting to pee as women do, the then I shall change my mind.

If and when women stop growing breasts (or using every conceivable means to enhance them when nature does not do its part), then I shall change my mind.

If and when women start speaking in tenor, baritone or bass voices, then I shall change my mind.

Psychology and Behavior

If and when women stop vacillating and decide whether they want to be more like men—in which case no man will want to come close to them—or different from them, then I shall change my mind.

If and when most women give up their desire to have children, then I shall change my mind.

If and when any number of women stop reading “romantic” literature but study the dry-as-dust works of Spinoza instead, then I shall change my mind.

If and when men (other than gays and those freaks, trans-genders) start putting on female dress, walking like women, and mincing like women, then I shall change my mind.

If and when women stop trying to get rid of their body hair, then I shall change my mind.

If and when women stop undergoing the vast majority of surgical procedures to enhance their looks, then I shall change my mind.

If and when women no longer buy the vast majority of cosmetics and “accessories” of every kind, then I shall change my mind.

If and when women get rid of penis envy and stop desiring whatever men have (including, according to one German self-declared feminist philosopher, “potency”) then I shall change my mind.

If and when more women than men die in industrial accidents and while engaged on emergency and rescue operations, then I shall change my mind.

If and when more men than women start attending church, then I shall change my mind.

If and when women stop visiting doctors and ask for medical treatment far more often than men do, then I shall change my mind.

Ditto, in reference to psychologists, psychiatrists, and similar professionals.

If and when women stop lamenting the sad fate men have inflicted on them, then I shall change my mind.

Sex and Mating

If and when most women stop looking for men who can provide for them and protect and defend them, then I shall change my mind.

If and when powerful women become as attractive to men as powerful men are to women, then I shall change my mind.

If and when as many women as men express their readiness to have sex with strangers, then I shall change my mind.

If and when any number of female brothels succeed in staying open for any period of time, then I shall change my mind.

If and when women start earning kudos for having had numerous sexual encounters with men, then I shall change my mind.

At least the partner of the man must be aware of cialis vs levitra them. Leave viagra samples enough time, if possible an hour, for the discussion. Doctor appointments are essential to maintaining your health once you decide to bring supplements and medicines into the picture. tadalafil viagra The viagra samples for sale time of ejaculation is not the actual cure to remove this disorder. If and when most women stop marrying men who are older than they are, then I shall change my mind.

If and when a great number of women, turning into “cougars,” start marrying younger men and staying with them for long, then I shall change my mind.

If and when fewer women than men start initiating divorce proceedings, then I shall change my mind.

Literary Talent

If and when female writers start exploring the essence of womanhood as we as male ones such as Aeschylus, Sophocles, Euripides, Aristophanes, and Shakespeare did, then I shall change my mind.

Work and Career

If and when Plato’s maxim that, though no profession or field is the sole province of either men or women, on the average in every profession or field men do better than women, then I shall change my mind.

If and when the number of male nurses exceeds that of female ones, then I shall change my mind.

Ditto, concerning male kindergarten and elementary school teachers.

If and when female professions (meaning, such as are exercised mainly by women) are held in higher regard and become better paid than male ones, then I shall change my mind.

If and when as many women as men work in hard, dirty, and dangerous jobs, such as repairing cars, or forestry, or mining, or diving, or even garbage-collection, then I shall change my mind.

If and when the list of the fifty, or hundred, people with the highest salaries in America (or any other country) contains more than a few women’s names near the bottom of the list, then I shall change my mind.

If and when women come to form more than a negligible fraction of heads of state and prime ministers (currently they are about 6 percent), then I shall change my mind.

If and when Margaret Mead’s principle that, in any society, what matters is what men do, ceases to apply, then I shall change my mind.

Facing the Law

If and when as many women as men are arrested for the same offenses, then I shall change my mind.

If and when as many women as men, arrested for the same offenses, are refused bail, then I shall change my mind.

If and when as many women as men are indicted for the same offenses, then I shall change my mind.

If and when as many women, indicted for the same offenses as men, are convicted, then I shall change my mind.

If and when women and men, having been convicted for the same offense, get similar sentences then I shall change my mind.

If and when women, having been imprisoned, are treated as harshly as men are, then I shall change my mind.

If and when proportionally as many women as men, having been sentenced, get an early release or parole, then I shall change my mind.

Sports

If and when women start running and swimming as fast, jumping as far and as high, throwing the javelin and the discuss as far, and hitting a tennis ball as hard, as men do, then I shall change my mind.

If and when men and women start boxing against each other in earnest, rather than by way of training or burlesque, then I shall change my mind.

If and when co-ed teams consisting of grown men and women are formed and start playing football or soccer or basketball against each other, then I shall change my mind.

If and when organized bands of male drum majorettes are formed to encourage female team players, then I shall change my mind.

War

If and when as many women are drafted to enlist in the military and fight in war as men are, rather than being permitted to volunteer if they like doing so, then I shall change my mind.

If and when proportionally more women than men are killed while on active military operations, then I shall change my mind.

Famous Last Worlds

Unless and until most of these propositions are no longer true, Porsche Power courtesy of German painter Udo Lindenberger, will prevail.